Puzzle

Part 1 – Background The story begins on 1981 in Samba Land, but this part starts on 2009, at some point. Puzzle girl wanted to go somewhere. She studied German, but ended up in Winter Land. She wondered if there was still hope for love in her life. Once she was hurt so much, now healed, but had doubts about the existence of this feeling, from simple likeness to eternal love, even passion. Did she ever fall in love? Then she went to Winter Land. Before going she looked it up at pictures on someone’s page for curiosity. She liked one but thought "I guess he would never look at me, he looks so popular and hot". She went to Winter Land and met great people on the first weeks at First Place. That place promised great moments. But then she had to go to Tiny Place. The work was good, almost perfect. But she was sad, so sad, missed her home, her family and her friends. She couldn't wait to go back to Samba Land! She had no hope in finding that extra thing (love, passion or just a...

What has changed? I'm more concerned about water now than I was before. I saw some attitudes that we should all follow. I wanna eat less, drink less, live better. I eat salad now. I say "I don't know" much more frequently now! ... continues... O que mudou? Estou mais preocupada com a água agora do que estava antes. Vi algumas atitudes que todos devemos adotar. Quero comer menos, beber menos, viver melhor. Eu como salada agora. Eu digo "não sei" muito mais frequentemente agora! ... continua...

You know what the problem is I'm under a shadow A shadow of doubt For the first time in my life I don't know what I want A maize Actually I know what I want It's a shadow of fear Of what comes next...

I can't be so hard on myself But I am I should not feel like I'm being stupid for feeling this way Feeling like I should stop thinking about you all the time Stop remembering you when I see, listen or eat something we did together It's not fair It's so hard to find someone you feel so comfortable with How can I stop myself from wanting to be with you again? Stop wanting to do all we haven't done together yet Why should I? Should I? That's fear. Fear of getting hurt, of being a fool, of dreaming alone, of trying for nothing. We should have no fear After all, life is about trying, experimenting, FEELING! I can't see meaning in life without feeling And for feeling the good stuff unfortunately sometimes we need to risk feeling bad stuff after It's impossible not to miss special moments, special people, special places I'd rather miss than not having them So why should I leave it behind? I shouldn't be so hard on myself I should no...

Today I decided to change the blog's name. Well, the trip is over... at least in space. The mind one continues. And nothing more accurate to explain my Darth Vader's interior than the word puzzle. It's like I feel and will probably always do. The constant search for understanding, for the pieces that are missing. It is nothing to do with happiness. I'm happy. What doesn't imply being alway bright, cheerful.  I'm not a beam of light, although many people see me that way. If you want one, go to a church. There are always pieces coming and going. Pieces that get deformed and don't fit anymore. Pieces that get deformed and start fitting. That's why it's endless. My English-speaking friends... I'll try to write both in English and Portuguese. Hoje resolvi mudar o título do blog. Bom, acabou a viagem... pelo menos espacial. A mental continua. E nada mais exato para explicar o meu interior Darth Vader que a palavra puzzle (quebra-cabeça). É c...

Why do I feel angry so many times? Why do I feel this confusion here? Is it here or just a reality that fall asleep when I’m not here? I just want my peace back I just want that feeling in my heart Why do I feel so out of place? Before going I felt so out of place so many times Now it’s even worse I feel like home because of friends But I don’t really feel like I belong here All seems temporary It’s not comfortable It’s not safe Nothing is safe, nowhere But at least it felt like this Why do I feel this sadness? Why do I feel this pressure? Why do I feel so angry? I just feel I don’t belong here Like I always did But now I know it How can I make me feel safe in my own skin again? What is it? Place? Time? Someone? You? I guess that’s me, the puzzle The solved puzzle trying to get back the found piece that is away That is not here again Where am I going?

Ser forte não durou muito. Assim que o avião começou a acelerar para decolar cai no choro. Nem sei por quanto tempo chorei. Há alguma coisa fácil nessa vida? O vôo foi tranquilo. Cheguei e já comecei a ficar estressada com o comportamento típico brasileiro! Adoro o Brasil, mas o povo viu! Muitas qualidades, mas os defeitos que mais me irritam. Depois de uns 45 minutos consegui sair e encontrei meu pai. Fomos para Sorocaba. Não lembrava que tudo era tão diferente. Cheguei em Sorocaba, vi mãe, vô e cachorros, que fizeram um escândalo proporcional ao tempo que fiquei fora. E que fofuras os filhotinhos. Pena que fiquei só uma hora lá e já fomos para Ribeirão Preto. Cheguei já no Encontro sobre Abelhas. Demorei uns 30 minutos para chegar no banheiro, fui encontrando várias pessoas... Foi emocionante tudo isso. Mas que canseira! E no outro dia ainda tinha que dar palestra. O Encontro foi meio chato, o tema era genética e evolução, não curto muito! Valeu por ver todo mundo... mas ...