Popping things!
Last week was kind of crazy! Well, last report with a grant renewal proposal... have to work hard! It has to be a damm good report. I need money until I finish this thesis!
Then, no time for writing... although a lot of ideas were popping into my head!
Should we stop living the good moments because of the bad ones?
Considering my "long" 29 years of experience... NO, please don't do that!
I know it's a self defense mechanism, but sometimes we over protect ourselves.
I'm not excluding myself, I'm the queen of myself over protection! So I kind of know what I'm saying...
Have you ever thought about that?
How many times didn't you do something because maybe it wasn't going to work out (we say to ourselves "I know it won't", but we never know idiot)? Or because it wasn't going to last? Or because it was hard to get? Even if this something was going to give you great pleasure, happiness or whatever you need as long as it was working or in the end of that hard road. Relationships, jobs, trips, possessions, achieving peace... all the different things we dream about.
Sometimes we give something up so easily! It just amaze myself!
I've always lived inside a box. I've always brought only the safest things to my box. Right decisions. Made with my head, not my heart, maybe with a little bit of intuition. So far, I'm doing it right about my career. At least I got what I wanted from it until now. More than I wished for, actually. Hope it keep that way.
Well, but relationships aren't so easy. I've always been lucky with my friends, I have some very good ones. I kept inside my box only the good ones and made no effort to turn the "bad" ones "good", to like people I didn't like for no reason or one detail or for a hunch. I didn't have to trust them, but I could have left them near my box. And it was not good. I didn't get hurt, but I got nothing else. I could have learned a lot with them, from them and maybe made new friends. I could have learned how to argue, how to show my feelings better, how to defend myself, how to deal with differences. Although I know that, I still exclude those people from my box and try to leave them far away. Until I feel like doing the opposite, I'll never know what I'm missing.
I had some friends that wanted they were more than just friends and even if I felt something more I just didn't let them get any closer. Why? Because I was afraid that I wasn't going to like kissing them or they were too tall, too short, too fat, too thin or that it wasn't going to work out and I would lose a friend. How idiot I was! I guess I lost damm good moments. But I let a friend be my boyfriend once, because I realized I should try. This relationship (friends - more than friends - friends with benefits - end: just work colleagues) lasted around six years. Great moments, good moments, bad moments, terrible moments. I was happy as never and miserable as never before was well. But all was worth it. I learned and grew up so much! And I guess I know the most important things someone should do to be beside me. Show respect and honesty. Talk! Don't play with my feelings. Don't be selfish. Don't keep me on a shelf waiting to know what he wants. The rest we work on it.
For a period my box was closed for boyfriends, because I was afraid of the bad, terrible moments I lived. I needed some time to recover, clean my box, think about what I wanted and to learn with those years. Finally everything was organized. But it was boring. So I've opened my box to new experiences. At first it was just a crack, nobody could really go into my box. When I realized it wasn't enough, I built an entire new door. Some just passed by it and didn't want or couldn't come in, some passed by and I didn't allowed them to enter. Then I met one I thought I should let him in. I was brave. I had no fear. Actually I thought "what if I don't like him, what am I going to do? I don't want to hurt anyone". But I've learned that I should try. And it was wonderful. At some point I thought about how it was going to be when I leave, but I still kept him in my box. And it was great. Hopefully I didn't stop because of my self protection mechanism. It could have ended (or is it just a comma?) in a thousand of better and worse ways. I'll never know (I tortured myself with the possibilities... why?). I don't know if how it ended was how I wished for (we never want good things to end, I'm romantic... already talked about it in other texts) but even though I was sad for some time (still do at some moments), it was worth it. Every single moment!
Conclusion: over self protection sucks! We need to allow ourselves to follow more our hearts. And have more happy moments to remember and bad moments to learn from. Of course, it doesn't mean we should be fools! But try at least once.
Then, no time for writing... although a lot of ideas were popping into my head!
Considering my "long" 29 years of experience... NO, please don't do that!
I know it's a self defense mechanism, but sometimes we over protect ourselves.
I'm not excluding myself, I'm the queen of myself over protection! So I kind of know what I'm saying...
Have you ever thought about that?
How many times didn't you do something because maybe it wasn't going to work out (we say to ourselves "I know it won't", but we never know idiot)? Or because it wasn't going to last? Or because it was hard to get? Even if this something was going to give you great pleasure, happiness or whatever you need as long as it was working or in the end of that hard road. Relationships, jobs, trips, possessions, achieving peace... all the different things we dream about.
Sometimes we give something up so easily! It just amaze myself!
I've always lived inside a box. I've always brought only the safest things to my box. Right decisions. Made with my head, not my heart, maybe with a little bit of intuition. So far, I'm doing it right about my career. At least I got what I wanted from it until now. More than I wished for, actually. Hope it keep that way.
Well, but relationships aren't so easy. I've always been lucky with my friends, I have some very good ones. I kept inside my box only the good ones and made no effort to turn the "bad" ones "good", to like people I didn't like for no reason or one detail or for a hunch. I didn't have to trust them, but I could have left them near my box. And it was not good. I didn't get hurt, but I got nothing else. I could have learned a lot with them, from them and maybe made new friends. I could have learned how to argue, how to show my feelings better, how to defend myself, how to deal with differences. Although I know that, I still exclude those people from my box and try to leave them far away. Until I feel like doing the opposite, I'll never know what I'm missing.
I had some friends that wanted they were more than just friends and even if I felt something more I just didn't let them get any closer. Why? Because I was afraid that I wasn't going to like kissing them or they were too tall, too short, too fat, too thin or that it wasn't going to work out and I would lose a friend. How idiot I was! I guess I lost damm good moments. But I let a friend be my boyfriend once, because I realized I should try. This relationship (friends - more than friends - friends with benefits - end: just work colleagues) lasted around six years. Great moments, good moments, bad moments, terrible moments. I was happy as never and miserable as never before was well. But all was worth it. I learned and grew up so much! And I guess I know the most important things someone should do to be beside me. Show respect and honesty. Talk! Don't play with my feelings. Don't be selfish. Don't keep me on a shelf waiting to know what he wants. The rest we work on it.
For a period my box was closed for boyfriends, because I was afraid of the bad, terrible moments I lived. I needed some time to recover, clean my box, think about what I wanted and to learn with those years. Finally everything was organized. But it was boring. So I've opened my box to new experiences. At first it was just a crack, nobody could really go into my box. When I realized it wasn't enough, I built an entire new door. Some just passed by it and didn't want or couldn't come in, some passed by and I didn't allowed them to enter. Then I met one I thought I should let him in. I was brave. I had no fear. Actually I thought "what if I don't like him, what am I going to do? I don't want to hurt anyone". But I've learned that I should try. And it was wonderful. At some point I thought about how it was going to be when I leave, but I still kept him in my box. And it was great. Hopefully I didn't stop because of my self protection mechanism. It could have ended (or is it just a comma?) in a thousand of better and worse ways. I'll never know (I tortured myself with the possibilities... why?). I don't know if how it ended was how I wished for (we never want good things to end, I'm romantic... already talked about it in other texts) but even though I was sad for some time (still do at some moments), it was worth it. Every single moment!
Conclusion: over self protection sucks! We need to allow ourselves to follow more our hearts. And have more happy moments to remember and bad moments to learn from. Of course, it doesn't mean we should be fools! But try at least once.
Semana passada foi meio louca! Bom, eu tenho o último relatório da bolsa para fazer com o pedido de renovação... to trabalhando um monte! Tem que ser um ótimo relatório. Preciso de grana até acabar essa tese!
Aí não tive tempo de escrever... embora muitas idéias estejam pipocando na minha cabeça!
Devemos deixar de viver momentos bons por causa dos ruins?
Considerando meus “longos” 29 anos de experiência... NÃO, por favor, não faça isso!
Eu sei que é um mecanismo de auto defesa, mas as vezes nós nos protegemos demais.
Eu não estou me excluindo, eu sou a rainha da auto proteção exagerada! Então eu meio que sei o que estou dizendo...
Já pensou nisso?
Quantas vezes você não fez algo porque talvez (dizemos para nós mesmo “não vai dar certo”, mas nunca sabemos idiota) não dê certo? Ou porque não vai durar? Ou porque é difícil de conseguir? Mesmo que seja algo que vai te dar muito prazer, felicidade ou o que for que você precise enquanto dure ou no final da estrada difícil. Relacionamentos, empregos, viagens, posses, alcançar a paz... todas as coisas diferentes com que sonhamos.
As vezes desistimos das coisas tão facilmente! Fico admirada!
Eu sempre vivi dentro de uma caixa. Eu sempre trouxe somente as coisas mais seguras para dentro dela. Decisões certas. Feitas com minha cabeça, não com o coração, talvez com um pouco de intuição. Até agora, estou fazendo o certo para minha carreira. Pelo menos consegui o que eu quero até agora. Mais do que eu desejei, na verdade. Espero que continue assim.
Bem, mas relacionamentos não são tão fáceis. Eu sempre tive sorte com meus amigos, eu tenho alguns muito bons. Eu mantive dentro da minha caixa apenas os bons e não fiz esforço nenhum para transformar os “ruins” em “bons”, para gostar daqueles que eu não gostava por razão nenhuma ou por palpite. Eu não precisava confiar neles, mas eu poderia ter deixado essas pessoas perto da minha caixa. E não foi bom. Eu não me machuquei , mas foi só isso. Eu poderia ter aprendido muito com eles, sobre eles e talvez feito novos amigos. Eu poderia ter aprendido como discutir, como mostrar melhor meus sentimentos, como me defender, como lidar com as diferenças. Embora eu saiba disso, eu ainda excluo essas pessoas da minha caixa e tento deixá-las bem longe dela. Até que eu tenha vontade de fazer o contrário, eu nunca saberei o que eu estou perdendo.
Eu tive alguns amigos que queriam ser mais do que amigos e eu até sentia algo a mais por eles, mas eu não os deixei chegar mais perto. Por quê? Porque eu estava com medo de não gostar de beijá-los ou eles eram muito altos, muito baixos, muito gordos, muito magros ou de não dar certo e eu perderia um amigo. Que idiota que eu fui! Eu acho que perdi ótimos momentos. Mas eu deixei um amigo se tornar um namorado uma vez, porque eu percebi que deveria tentar. Essa relação (amigos – mais que amigos – amigos coloridos – final: apenas colegas de trabalho) durou cerca de seis anos. Ótimos momentos, bons momentos, momentos ruins, momentos terríveis. Eu fui feliz como nunca e miserável como nunca também. Mas tudo valeu a pena! Aprendi e cresci tanto! E eu acho que conheço as coisas mais importantes que alguém deve fazer para estar ao meu lado. Mostrar respeito e honestidade. Falar! Não brincar com meus sentimentos. Não ser egoísta. Não me manter emu ma prateleira esperando saber o que quer. O resto a gente ajeita.
Por um período minha caixa estava fechada para namorados (ficantes, rolos…), porque eu estava com medo dos momentos ruins, terríveis que vivi. Eu precisava de tempo para me recuperar, limpar a caixa, refletir sobre o que eu queria e aprender com aqueles anos. Finalmente tudo estava organizado. Mas estava chato demais. Então abri minha caixa para novas experiências. No começo foi só uma fresta, ninguém podia realmente entrar na minha caixa. Quando percebi que não era o suficiente, construí uma porta inteira nova. Alguns só passaram na frente e não quiseram entrar ou não podiam entrar, alguns eu não deixei entrar. Então eu conheci um que eu achei que deveria deixar entrar. Fui corajosa. Não tive medo. Na verdade eu pensei “e se eu não gostar dele, o que farei? Não quero magoar ninguém”. Mas eu aprendi que eu deveria tentar. E foi maravilhoso. Em um momento eu pensei em como seria quando fosse embora, mas ainda o mantive dentro da minha caixa. E foi ótimo. Ainda bem que eu não parei por causa do meu mecanismo de auto proteção. Poderia ter terminado (ou é apensa uma vírgula?) de milhões de maneiras melhores ou piores. Nunca saberei (eu me torturo com as possibilidades... por quê?). Não sei se como terminou foi como eu desejei (nós nunca queremos que as boas coisas acabem... já falei sobre isso em outros textos) mas embora eu tenha ficado triste por algum tempo (ainda fico em alguns momentos), valeu a pena. Cada momento!
Conclusão: auto proteção exagerada é uma bosta! Nós precisamos nos permitir seguir mais nossos corações. E ter mais momentos felizes para lembrar e momentos ruins para aprender com. Claro, não quer dizer que devemos ser idiotas! Mas tentar pelo menos uma vez.
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